corinnachild

is there ever a time when there is one person that means more than the world to u but u can never ever get through to them? a time when all there is, is words but you can't seem to find the rite ones. do u ever wish u could say the one thing that means everything to that one person and when your chance comes everything in you mind goes blank? to be able to say that thing that someone needed to hear the moment they needed to hear it. to touch them the way that you so desperately want to but can't seem to know how to do.



Midnight comes, and with it the promise that i can see your face again. I can feel the chill on you on my skin and being safe in your arms once more returns to me. In you, my shelter, the problems of the waking hours fade away and are replaced with the smell of your shampoo and cologne. I've nothing to hide from you, so the walls around my mind are broken down. I dread the time when i must put them back up. For now, I hold on so that you'll never leave again. The warmth of your smile melts away the scars and smooths over the pain in my heart. My stomach is finally full and gone are the rumbles. For once, I feel whole. But when the light of the morning comes, you're ripped from me once more and the desperation that follows me everywhere consumes me until I find what chases you away again. Until midnight comes.

you take me with a grain of salt the use it to sting my open wounds. i try to get you to listen but the noise that comes out of my mouth is just that. i want you to hear me but you turn up the volume and drown me out. when its not what you think, i cant think it. im being shoved into a wall of conformity and all of my bones are breaking.i want to scream and shout but im too weak from the bruises and scarring. maybe if you could hear what im saying, i wouldnt be drowning in the rain outside of the door that is always locked. you only shut me out because you've never been let in either. i might open up if you didnt always shut me down. my misery is in front of your face, but you're still looking down at your feet. am i more than you were hoping for? or were you waiting for me to take my place on the floor and flatten myself to be walked all over? im not laying down. so when are you going to get up?

you draw my words like blood from my body then twist them until thoughtful gestures sting like sharp needles injecting me with your newest poison. sometimes it's all i can take, and others im an addict waiting for the next session so i can finally get off of this terribly dangerous drug you have me so hooked on. im struggling for my life but my efforts are so clearly in vain. my only wish is for you to let go, but doing so would break my heart. holding you hurts me so bad, but letting go hurts so much worse. i know i should run for my life, but your eyes hold me fast and i know for sure that i'll die of intoxication. your are sin(cere), im sure and it terrifies me but makes it impossible for me to leave. if only your words didnt draw blood claim on my soul. if you were to let me go i'd die of pain, but maybe i should toughen up so that you don't destroy me.

your every move contradicts the words forming on your lips. your voice is cold. the steel of the bars that keep me locked up forever. my only escapes is it stereo sitting in my room so inviting in light of your words. the volume goes up and my guard goes down.i get lost in the lyrics that determine my mood and his heartbreakingly beautiful words smooth over my scars and start to drown me. my brain goes numb and concentrates on nothing more than the chords and rifts. the notes throw me lifelines so i can manage to keep my head above the water. its the only thing that keeps me from the blade under my mattress stored "just in case" the nightmare that was my day decides to come back and show me who i really am. not even you can take that away. its with me forever, goes with me always, and i refuse to let it leave. the (c)harm of your words put me under no illusions whens its just me and my headphones. its a habit that changes for no one and is impossible to replace. my breath goes in time with the drums in the background and my pulse joins in with the bass. and even you cant break that connection.

i can do nothing to make you happy. i run around in circles to try to get you to crack a smile but now im out of breath. you've formed me into conformity in your mind and when i do something to be myself, your voice gets cold and your heart even colder. your words sting like a whip used to put me back in my place. im bleeding all but you just want to make sure i dont ruin the brand new carpet that's so precious to you. i wake with a smile but you always put an end to that. my heart breaks and you tell me to pick up the pieces so no one trips on them. you look at my reflection but only see what you wish. if im not picture perfect, im unruly and unstable. if nothing i do makes you happy, then why do i even try? i could just give up and you can see what everybody thinks then. the whispers might drive you insane but i've already heard them from you so they bother me none.if you wont listen to me, i'll let you feel the whip against your back. maybe you';; ruin the carpet and get what i've been getting for such a long time.

the shattered mirrors of your eyes show me no more than the lies you so boldly insist on telling. petals fall as you pick them off one by one with your thoughtless remarks and loaded smiles. you say you trust me, but then why are your eyes so black? for the millionth time im hit with the memory of your steel laced stare as you walked so casually out of my life. returning not for my pleas used to keep my sanity. i plot ways to bring you back, but i never mattered. of this. im sure. for the way you look past me is enough to break me. over and over again. the pieces of my heart lying on the floor only break your attention enough for you to step over them. but from that, you keep going. laughing and talking like you dont know that you just killed me. over and over again.

as walls go up, im breaking down. the part of me that refuses help is a contradiction to the part of me that wants you to hold me close until forever is just a memory used for fake words and good conversation intent on touching nothing deeper than the surface. for deeper than the surface can erase laughs and snuff the fake smiles that cover the room and suffocate scholars with no more than cold thoughts in their heads. you choose to walk away, and the effort of watching you go drains me of energy until fake wishes and good conversation are all i can manage. you strip me of the outer layer, my shell that i have worked sp hard to build. but once i am raw and exposed, you do nothing to keep me from shivering in the cold.

my reflection shows the world things i never wanted to know. my makeup hides the scars while the wounds shout desperate cries in my gaze. but you do nothing to help me. i try to sew the holes but your words tear at the seams. i know that your taste is poison, so i must be suicidal. two quarters away from hearing your voice and but this line holds no connection. the scars from sticks will go away but the pain of your words will haunt my dreams forever. icy words and frosted glasses freeze my heart, but it refuses to stop bleeding. sitting in the back of the bus, the batteries of my life source go dead. once again, i notice that the silence is oh, so loud when you're not there to fill it.